The drive home from work tonight was gorgeous. The skies were blue, the sun was out, the temperature was perfect. It would've been the perfect evening to go to the park or go for a walk, just to be outside. Unfortunately, I never do any of these things, because I don't have anyone to do them with and I want to be able to do them with someone. I'm not just talking about my lack of a significant other, though that would be nice, but just a good friend in general, just to do stuff with. I have a few good friends and I love the time I get to spend with them. I feel like I am in that in between place in my life where some of my friends are still in school, some of them have real jobs, some of them are married, and most of them live at least half an hour away. I just have this void in my life that leaves me feeling half-empty. I hate saying that. I have an amazing family and good friends, and I have a good relationship with God. Not great, but good, though I want it to be so much more. I just need someone to really talk to.
I feel so unfulfilled in not just the social aspect of my life, but in my job and education. Serving in a restaurant is not for me, at all. I need somewhere that I can express myself, be creative, an outlet to just be me. I feel like waiting tables is making my brain turn to mush.I want to do something more. I want to go back to school, but I owe so much money to my old school, that I can't get my transcript sent anywhere else. I have so many bills I can't pay.
I feel so trapped in my life. It's a love/hate relationship. I know that everything I have, am, and will go through will make me stronger, but it is hard to see the light when everything looks so bleak right now.
Here I go again, selfish again. Taking everything I have for granted. So many people have so much less. I just need to be more thankful for what I have.
