The Sweetest Thing

I can't believe that Pax will be two years old on Sunday! The time has flown so fast since the day I was crying in the kitchen at work, because I had a nephew! Pax has seriously been a blessing in my life, and in everyone's that he meets. He knows how to put a smile on my face like no one else, and can always brighten even the worst days. He is incredibly entertaining, whether he is going "bump,bump" with his cars over the wrinkles in the furniture, or leaf-blowing the entire house. My favorite time though, is after dinner, when he is starting to wind down. Usually when I watch him at night, he starts to get cuddly and will climb up on my lap and just lay back. I love it because it's a time when I just get to wrap my arms around him and hold him for a few minutes. It's the sweetest thing.

Selfish

Friday morning, my good friend from work was dropped off at the airport by her dad. She was going to visit her boyfriend who is in school in Ohio. Friday night her dad had a stroke and passed away. This rocked me to my core. This girl is so sweet and amazing, and in an instant her life was changed forever.

It just puts into perspective everything we take for granted in this life. I have a roof over my head, an unbelievably amazing family, great friends, a job, and food. You'd think that's all we would need. But no, we always want more. Why are we so unsatisfied with the great things we already have? We always want latest gadgets and gizmos that make life easier. A lot of us already have everything that SHOULD make life easy enough.

There are people in this world that have so much less than I do, yet a lot of times, it seems like they're the ones that are happier and that are giving back more than I ever have.

God has blessed me so immensely, yet I fail to appreciate it most of the time. I hope and I pray that I cannot and will not take for granted everything He has given me.

Please keep the Ledford family in your prayers. Spencer is a dear friend, and she is going through a rough time with the sudden loss of her father.

Falling into the funk again....

Over the past few weeks, I had felt so much better about everything in my life. I owe that to Trinity church and our Pastor, Rev. Mack Strange. It is an awesome community that I love being apart of. My bills and all troubles I've had with my job and money, and everything, was in the background where it should be. I was finally believing in myself and started losing weight, and just handing everything over to God. It felt amazing. My heart was open and I was completely okay with who I was.

Now just a little bit later, I feel everything falling apart again. I can't explain it. The root of it is my job. I wait tables, and I just can't do it anymore. I get angry and become someone I'm not. I say words I don't usually say, I lose patience with co-workers, and just get frustrated with every aspect of it. Patience has always been one my strong characteristics, but I find myself just losing it lately. One of my co-workers told me that she had noticed, "Jayna's getting back into that funk again." That really lets me know something's wrong.

With this person that I really do not like embodying me, it's made my eating habits go right back to where they were. Maybe not as bad, but too close for comfort. I had lost eight pounds as of last week, which isn't much, but it's a good start. I don't want that weight back.

I have so many life changes that I am trying to make, weight, job, future, and many more. I can't let this 'funk' go any further. I have to stop it now, but it's so difficult when things like the job that I hate, are weighing me down.

I have a small group of ninth grade girls in the BUMC youth group. Those girls are the highlight of week, and I have more fun in the hour I spend with them on a Sunday night, than any other time during the week. I feel guilty when I start feeling like this, because I question the type of role model I am for these girls. How am I supposed to help them grow in their faith, when I struggle so much with mine?

Anyways, I guess this is all for now. Hopefully, my next blog will be a happier one.