I don't really know how to describe it. I'm proud of myself that I finished, but that's about it. It sucked, I'm not gonna lie. I thought after I finished it I would have the bug to do another one, or keep going with my workouts, but I haven't. I haven't really worked out since. I mean I try to be active when I can, but I haven't really set apart time to work-out. It's ridiculous, I know. My weight loss journey seems to be at a standstill. I can't find the motivation to keep going, for one reason or another. I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again. I feel so alone in this battle. It's just like it was at the beginning of this year. I worked out for a little while, then I quit. The feelings I had in January were so positive, it was going to be different this time. I was going to be 100 pounds lighter by Christmas. Here it is almost Thanksgiving, and I've barely lost anything more than the first 20 pounds. I know it needs to be more than weight loss though. It needs to be complete lifestyle change. One week, I'll do really great, and the next it's shot to hell. It's such a roller coaster.
On another note, I am so ready to move-out and have my own place. I love my parents, but living at home with them, I don't always feel like the adult I am. I feel smothered sometimes, dependent, on them, when I am trying to be independent. I'm hoping in the spring, I just might be able to afford it. We'll see.
I've also felt really lonely lately. I'm constantly surrounded by family and friends that I adore, but I can't wait til I find something more. Unfortunately, I fear that that won't happen until I'm 130 pounds lighter. I'm just a friend. To anyone and everyone I'm always in the friend zone, no one sees me as dating material. I am a great catch though. Any guy would be lucky to have me as a girlfriend. I know God has a plan. He has someone spectacular planned for me, I just wish he would make an appearance.
Ok, enough of the depressing blog. Despite all that I've mentioned, life really isn't all that bad right now. There is a lot of crap hitting my family all at once, but we're getting through. We always do. I'm getting more hours at work, my car is almost paid off, and I have been able to hang-out and meet a few new friends. I know everything will get better, I just have so much going on inside right now that's hard to deal with. I'll get through, I know I will. I have God by my side and He has more love for than anyone could even begin to fathom.
Love, Grace, and Peace,
Jayna
No comments:
Post a Comment