My Life's Fight

I watch the Biggest Loser every season. Every season, I say "This is it, I'm done." It never happens. I cry pretty much every episode, some because of the stories, mostly because I usually identify with most of the contestants in one way or another. This week was the makeover episode, which is the episode I usually cry most. I want that so bad. I want to transform my outside to reflect the inside. I want to feel really good about myself.

This week, Rebecca was the contestant eliminated. She is the one I identify most with, I think over all the seasons. She is young, around the same weight, been overweight since she was a child, and she's always been called "a pretty face." We have pretty much all of those factors in common.

Most of my friends and family have always told me that I'm gorgeous, or I have a really pretty face. I really appreciate them saying that, and it usually makes me feel good, but I really don't want to hear it anymore. I'm more than that, so much more, and I really want my appearance to reflect that. I want to care more about how I eat, look, and present myself to others. I'm not saying I'm going to be vain about it all, but I want to look at it from a different perspective.

I want to lose weight. I want to go on dates. I want to go shopping and not be afraid of trying on clothes. I want to borrow clothes from friends. I want to stop buying my sister the clothes that I want to wear for myself. I want to be more that the pretty face. I want to be me. I want my life.

I need to change. I need to eat healthy. I need to exercise. I need to be stronger. I need to be confident. I need willpower. I need to dream big. I need to be healthy. I need to be me, and I really feel like my weight has held me back from doing just that, being me.

I have to fight for my life.

This post is not meant to be sad or dramatic. It's supposed to be an inspiration, for myself at the very least.