Ok, so usually Valentine's or Singles Awareness Day, doesn't bother me too much. This year is a little different I guess. I mean, I'm always aware that I'm single, so maybe it's not that different, lol. But I guess I've just been thinking about it too much today. I am a complete hopeless romantic. I know it will happen someday, but I wish that day were today. I feel like I have so much to share and offer someone, and I'm just waiting for the chance. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be the psycho clingy girlfriend or anything, I do wish I could get out of the friend zone though. I am lucky and I have some really great friends, mostly guys, but that's all I'll be. I wish that sometime I could meet someone that might think of me more than just a friend. Unfortunately, I fear that until I lose weight I will be seen as nothing else than the 'fat' friend. I'm so incredibly self-conscious of what my friends think of me. I'm more scared of what they think than I am of people I don't know, and it should be the opposite. Actually, it should be neither. I should only care what I think, but unfortunately, I don't see that happening.
I'm a freaking catch. I know I am, but no one can see past the outside. When I fall for someone, I usually fall flat on my face and get my heartbroken, but they usually don't know. I keep it bottled up from them, because no one could fall for someone like me. At least those are the thoughts in my head. Though it may not always be true, it's what it is most of the time.
My heart is so full and I'm so ready to share it with someone. Good music, good lyrics, a good movie, a good book, it all gets me going. I'm lonely. I have great friends, great family, great pets, but it doesn't matter, I still feel alone. Looking forward to the day I get share my life with someone.
Hope this doesn't sound like a crazy person wrote it (though we all know I'm a bit nuts, :P). I'm not looking for sympathy or anything of that sort, I just need to write and vent a little. Hoping you all have a great Valentine's day, full of love.
Love and Grace,
Jayna
Hey Jayna,
ReplyDeletei totally know how you feel in more ways than you know.
but i have to let you in on something that one of my good friends pointed out to me:
you know those moments where you're enjoying an amazing view, or a delish glass of wine, and thinking to yourself "Wow, i totally wish i had a guy to share this moment with"... i know you know what i'm talking about.
Anyway, what my friend said next was very enlightening. she said "In those moments, God is sooooo jealous." and it took a while for me to understand what she meant.
it's hard when you want someone to really care about you and wrap their arms around you, and ppl sit there and say 'but thats what God is for' blah blah blah. i'm there with you in thinking its not the same. but there is a deeper element of truth to that statement.
while in pursuit of your goals, including romantic ones, God loves you so much that he is JEALOUS of your affection. That's how important you are. Hopefully those words will sink in w/u in an incredibly tangible way as they did me.
Also, from experience: right now- you just do you. you focus on bein the confident woman u were made to be, and eventually, right when u are at ur peak, some guy will come along to inconvenience you. trust me. <3
love ya,
jordan phoenix